GREENWICH, Ct. - Correspondents close to Ezekiel Thumbplant III report that he continues to unabashedly support his home state of Connecticut. Hailing from Greenwich, purportedly rarely passing up an opportunity to shill for the Nutmeg State.

“It allows you to intermingle with the cultural elite of New York, from the comfort of your parent’s country club! From New York to Rhode Island, Connecticut is a sight to behold.” Said Thumbplant, a man who has obviously never been to anywhere else in his just generally awful home state.

 “I’m from Bridgeport, population 144,000 or so, but seriously, I don’t know who he’s kidding. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Connecticut. We’ve got good pizza," Explained our source, clearly lying. "But I honestly don’t think he’s ever left Greenwich.”

Local studies by the University of Connecticut report that Connecticut is “really miserable in general.” Citing high rates of crime and poverty, low rates of independant businesses and restaurants, and a crumbling infrastructure, the report concluded that “[you] should honestly just save your money and go somewhere else for vacation; Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Detroit, or literally anywhere else.”

These findings have not discouraged Thumbplant, however, who just last week spent a full five minutes in his Human Geography discussion section boasting about the impressive progressive spirit of his home state, which currently houses multiple branches of the Klan.

Wealth is another topic frequently covered by Thumbplant, claiming that the Constitution state is home to copious amounts of beautiful architecture, cars, and people.

 “This school has probably five or six thousand kids from Connecticut, and they all love their home state. I think six of us, a who are from outside of the Stamford-Greenwich area. Not six thousand or six hundred, but six. A half dozen,” he mused. “I don’t know if these people have ever left it, you know? Just google pictures of the New London or Bridgeport skyline. Right now. I’ll wait.”

Our source has begun a secret organization at the school, titled Connecticut Obviously Sucks, Stop Assuming it Doesn’t- abbreviated C.O.S.S.A.I.D. The group’s goals include spreading awareness about the dreadful true nature of the state, clearly the third-best of all the states in the New York tri-state area.

When reached for comment, Connecticut Gov. Dannel Malloy quickly flashed his C.O.S.S.A.I.D. membership card, tears in his eyes.