WASHINGTON ― With the primary campaign season coming to a boil, it’s a tough call for many deciding which candidate should get their vote. All of this hullabaloo about the election led Joshua Stilt, a junior in the George Washington University’s Columbian College of Arts and Sciences, to turn his attention to theorizing for whom the famed political theorist Karl Marx would cast his ballot.
“I think it’d make the most sense for him to vote for a communist candidate, but CPUSA hasn’t run a candidate since Gus Hall in 1984, so that’s a bust.” Stilt told reporters from the Ax. “Maher Maher is running as a communist, but his campaign website is a defunct Tumblr blog, so even for Marx I don’t know how appealing an option that would be.”
Stilt initially believed, as many would, that Marx would for Bernie Sanders, the self-proclaimed “democratic-socialist,” but ultimately changed his mind, saying, “think about it; Bernie’s support base includes a lot of yuppies, who I think at least, might be a bit too bourgeois for Marx.”
“I think Trump probably wouldn’t have much reason to hope for Marx’s vote because, I mean, he’s just the kind of guy Marx was out to get.” Stilt did go on to note, however, that, “Trump does has a pretty big working-class support base too. Marx would definitely have to deal big-time with some conflicting principles there.”
Going through the list of other major candidates, Stilt admitted that it was difficult to pick one out which might seem suitable for a man many see as the face of communism.
“I think Ben Carson and Marco Rubio wouldn’t really be the best fit, you know, considering [Marx’s] thoughts on religion. I’m sure he saw himself as pretty progressive, but as far as Hillary goes, I don’t know if he was THAT progressive, so she might be out too.” Stilt reflected. “I’ll have to consult the sage and all-knowing wisdom of my esteemed poli-sci professor about this one, but it really doesn’t seem like it’d be Marx’s year, at least here in the American political system.”
It appears that Stilt was no closer to arriving at a definitive conclusion on the matter, instead deciding that, as Marx had little experience with democracy in his lifetime, he would be better off just silling this election out anyhow.
It appears that Stilt was no closer to arriving at a definitive conclusion on the matter, instead deciding that, as Marx had little experience with democracy in his lifetime, he would be better off just silling this election out anyhow.
