“All of these students have invested so much in me,” confessed the Science and Engineering Hall in an interview, between tears and heaving gasps. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not even living up to the cost of raised tuition.”
Knapp was observed on the scene, shaking his head in contempt with his hands crossed at the building’s breakdown and declined to comment about the immense pressure of living up to a $275 million investment.
Building stress about administrative changes is not limited to this building alone. “I completely understand what it’s going through,” commented neighbor Fulbright Hall, “I’ve caught fire twice in the past 6 months just worrying about which class they’re going to stuff me with next year.”
The nearby textile museum is reportedly chipper as a button, receiving all of the special treatment and grants for new exhibitions as President Knapp’s favorite of his many illustrious accomplishments.
Later reports confirmed the water damage was, in fact, due to tears streaming from the building.
