WASHINGTON - The scene was a dramatic one this Saturday night as sources within the GW Ax claim that President Knapp stood longingly at the edge of the Potomac.

He clutched a locket close to his heart and wept longingly for love lost at sea, wearing a magnificently flowing robe. At his feet sat a steamer trunk containing his dowry.

“The scene was heartbreaking.” Our correspondent, who would prefer to remain anonymous, sat down with us and shed a tear as he recalled the incident. “I still remember the mist rolling in, gently lapping at his heels, as he peered into the dark abyss and wept. I don’t know what the sea took from him, but I could see he hurt. The sea is but an unforgiving mistress. She takes all.”

Sources close to President Knapp speak of a simpler, merrier time in his life. Having grown up the child of gold panners in the Oregon territory, Knapp left an agrarian life behind for the hustle and bustle of the big city.

He opened his first small college shop, selling degrees to passerby for the price of two nickels a major. He never intended to marry.

Until, of course, he met the love of his life on shore leave from Austria-Hungary. They were both but children, but the summer of blissful ignorance spent frollicking amung the meadows will forever remain in Knapp’s heart.

It was in the autumn of 1923 that Knapp’s one true love boarded a steamer ship headed for Spain. The ship sunk, but the pain remains.

And so, our sources conclude, Knapp sits on the edge of the potomac every night, dowry at his feet, and casts a single daffodil into the dark water. In the hopes that one day the sea will return his love.

President Knapp has chosen not to comment.