The century old question simply must be answered, and quickly — Do rabbits have better eyesight because of the carrots? The answer is to be revealed through our studies (which are being made up on the spot).

One study found that if you fed enough carrots to a rabbit, it turns orange. This is interesting, although it has nothing to do with eyesight. In the first episode of House a man turned orange but it was not because he ate too many carrots.

Another study found that larger rabbits could consume more carrots than smaller rabbits.

Two years of study went into learning the difference between a rabbit and a hare.

A study by the University of South Carolina found people who ate rabbits and carrots did not generally have better eyesight than the general population, though they are super weird.

Another report found rabbits generally do not enjoy having carrots thrown at them, but they can see them.

A correlation has been found that both rabbits and carrots are double-letter words.

A multi-billion dollar research project has concluded Bugs Bunny is not a real rabbit. Neither is the “Trix” rabbit - who hardly eats any carrots, content simply tormenting children. The Easter Bunny is still under investigation.

The final study consulted found that rabbits who were consistently fed twelve carrots a day did not have better language skills then the common rabbit, and also died.

In conclusion, do rabbits have better eyesight because of the carrots? Maybe, I don’t know, why are you asking me? If you really care, you can look it up on the internet. You obviously don’t care that much because you’re reading a fake study provided by a satirical magazine. Stop pretending you care about rabbits, please, it’s ridiculous.

Please donate to save the rabbits today.