WASHINGTON - The often overlooked department of archaeology at George Washington University received good news this past Wednesday, when they received a $9 million federal grant to examine local remains of proto-cellular American culture in student dorms.“It truly is an amazing opportunity,” spouted enthusiastic junior Alexis Fletch. “How many schools still have pay phones sitting around? How many of them still have the phone part attached? I, for one, am glad that we apparently decided to just never get rid of them”.
Calling the school’s unwillingness to remove the relics of a bygone age a stroke of good luck, many students involved in the proposed excavation are already preparing their brushes and quarters to attempt to decode some of the nearly 30-year-old graffiti. Their task, however, is not all fun and games.
“Pressure’s on, you know? I think that we have some of the most capable students in the country, but sometimes you have to wonder if even they are up for the task,” said Dr. Munez-Muzby, a professor of archaeology normally focused on decoding the crude text files etched onto floppy disks found in back closets around campus, sitting in her office alone, paperwork and glossy photographs of the now dusty landline phones coating her desk.
Much of the focus of this research will center upon the graffiti around the phones. Students of art history, linguistics, and anthropology are expected to spend countless hours puzzling over the bygone notes of a lost generation for the next two years. The task won’t be for the faint of heart.
At press time, Dr. Munez-Musby was hard at work attempting to decipher the phrase, “Vote Nader”.
Any student with information on proto-cellular American English has been asked to contact the archaeology department.
