“Just like standardized testing does not truly reflect a Student’s academic potential, we decided neither does their grades,” explained Steven Knapp, the university’s president.
The remainder of the board seemed to agree.
“Different high schools have different classes, different teachers, and are located in different parts of the country, so the idea of even considering comparing their student’s grades is ludicrous,” explained Joseph Johannson, chair of the university’s department of differences.
Knapp elaborated upon the future shape of the admissions process, now also not requiring an application, in his announcement.
“Because no form of academic comparison is without bias, we are basing [the process] entirely on student interest. No more essays, those are pure bigotry. Admission interviews will be conducted, and if they seem into it, we’re into them”.
After some research of our own, we have learned that no scholarships of any kind will now be given from the school. In short, if the student can pay - they are in.
When asked about the university’s plans for the income due to start pouring into its expense accounts after beginning this new model, a thunderclap was heard and President Knapp cackled maniacally.
“Wait until you see the new multi-billion dollar Hall of Anthropology.”
