WASHINGTON ― It is a well-known fact of college that syllabi are not true reading material, but rather a type of antiquated reference-guide, much like an encyclopedia or almanac, vestiges of the pre-digital world.
Ronnie Mond, a graduate student and teaching assistant who leads several introductory biology labs, is being regularly consulted to be a local expert on syllabi within the GW-teaching assistant community.
Our reporters had a chance to sit down with him last Thursday afternoon as he sifted through emails and prepared to lead an evening bio-lab.
Mond told reporters that his intimate knowledge of the Introduction to Biology syllabus is a matter of necessity as he is often inundated with students’ questions, the answers to which are universally apparent with even the most cursory of glances over that guiding document with which all students are provided.
“The emails usually start to pick-up a few hours before lab,” he said. “Every time, it’s like we’re back at day one.”
“There’s a bit of a ritual here,” he then told reporters as he poured himself a shot of vodka and pounded his chest, “I have to steel myself for what’s ahead.”
With his brief ceremony completed, Mond logged into his university email account and showed our correspondents a horrifying onslaught of emails which could easily be answered if only their senders would have taken a peek at the syllabus.
He stated to reporters that within the 24-hour period leading up to his lab sections he receives enough inquiries to keep him at his desk well past the midnight hour, the majority of which he answers with direct excerpts of the syllabus, a document he now claims to know as intimately as an old lover.
“It’s mind-boggling! You’d never imagine how many different ways there are to ask about attendance policy and lab report format!” He paused. “This is my life now.”
At press-time, Mond was reported to have been seen asleep on his keyboard, though this claim has yet to be corroborated.
