WASHINGTON - Tired of all his usual garbage, we whisked away our Junior Reporter J.P. Fremantle to the university’s alternative student publication, where he almost immediately assumed the top office.Upon entering the offices, he quickly barked out orders for fresh pictures of Spider-Man, taking a seat at the desk of the editor-in-chief.
Though initially confused, the staff decided to follow his orders and produced photography of the famous web-slinger.
“In many ways, he’s just like the previous editor,” one reporter commented. “He just tells us to do more fancy exposes about how great the administration is.”
As part of his new wave of policies, Fremantle has mandated all aspiring journalists to wear fedoras with an index card labelled, “PRESS,” as well as to wield and constantly use flashbulb cameras.
The Rivals’s plentiful funding pool has been siphoned off to the Ax’s long-gestating project of coordinating a trip to the moon for its staff.
Readership for the publication, as well as funding, has gone up tenfold.
