WASHINGTON - Following a disappointing recruitment season, GW Hillel has voted to call down the first of several Plagues of Egypt upon the residents of the George Washington University.

“I think that Jewish-Americans everywhere are in a bit of a recruitment crisis,” began Leanne Baker, representative of GW’s local Hillel sect. “It’s not even just Jewish Americans- I understand the Church is having trouble drawing youth, too. There’s only so much we can do.”

Before summoning a plague of ravenous locusts to devour the skin of the unwilling and the crops of the blasphemous, Hillel tried a variety of fun and festive events to stir up enthusiasm among the local Jewish community. Although their kosher barbecue and Sukkah warfare were met with steady attendance, they just couldn’t seem to meet their quotas.

“I respect the gentiles on campus, all seven or eight of them,” continued Baker. “But we’ve got quotas to fill and blasphemers to convert. The GW Catholics got the Pope. What do we have? Moses isn’t due to come to DC for at least another five or six years.”

The progressive plan to rain locusts and pestilence upon the campus is simply one step in an all-encompassing plan to get students pumped for Judaism. The second step has been temporarily suspended until Hillel can locate another hundred or so frogs.

The unending blight of hardship upon the non-believers has been met with decidedly mixed reactions on campus.

“You can believe whatever you want, really you can. It doesn’t bother me. Hell, I didn’t even complain when they held that circumcision thing in Kogan, even if I thought it was in poor taste. But they’ve gone too far,” said Junior Roger Javorski, an exchange student from Ottawa, Canada.

“I’m covered in blisters, my sink is full of blood, my parents called and said that my older brother is dead,” Javorski, eying his drink, then loudly swore. “Now there’s a locust in my chai. I’m calling Student Services.”

GW Hillel reports the aggressive guerrilla marketing is working.

“People are noticing us, and honestly that’s the first step to changing the world for the better.”

A suspicious shipment of horses and swords have reportedly been delivered to the GW Catholics. They have chosen not to comment.