WASHINGTON - Officials from George Washington University announced this week that they have rescinded Dr. Bill Cosby’s honorary degree in light of recent sexual assault claims from numerous women. Crosstown rival American University, not to be outdone, responded by offering Cosby a replacement degree.

Administration had been in talks about revoking the degree after seven other universities have done the same to Cosby in the last couple of months.

President Knapp released a statement this week saying that the university has decided to take back the degree, going so far as to say that it was probably a misguided move to give it in the first place, as well as highlighting how Cosby is just as funny and entertaining as ever.

After a poorly received and frankly nauseating op-ed from former President Trachtenberg, the university decided that it was time to stop putting any stock in what this clearly sick, twisted man has to say and actually do something for themselves for once.

As such, they have stopped Trachtenberg from publishing further opinion pieces.

Cosby was awarded his new degree from American University, in what is presumed to be a completely successful attempt to spite George Washington University. Thanks to Yik Yak, it is apparent anyone at the former can get a degree; this move is simply representative of that.

“He’s a gross rapist and everything, sure,” a representative from American commented in a briefing, “but we’ll take any opportunity we can get to one-up GW.”