WASHINGTON - Students at the George Washington University were exasperated this morning to find another goddamned newspaper vying for their readership.
Joining the prestigious ranks of other unread publications like the Rival and Hatchet, the GW Ax set off on its inevitable death march without so much as a physical print copy.
“I mean, by this point, it’s just depressing,” reported local senior Meredith Albatreck.
“I haven’t even read the Hatchet since, like, my freshman year, and that’s actually written by journalists or something,” she explained. “How sad do they think my life has become that they think I’ll just jump on board with some half-assed copy of The Onion?”.
Some students, however, remained optimistic.
“For me, it’s just an excuse to be loudly and publicly sarcastic, you know? I feel I don’t get the chance to be a jackass often enough,” quipped Chris Sebastian, Elliot School student and writer for the newly formed Ax.
“I mean, screw journalistic integrity, I’ll interview myself if I want,” the extraordinarily talented student continued.
The Ax desperately hopes to poise itself as the university’s sister branch of the infamous Onion, hoping to one day become George Washington University’s own finest news source.
Published in a desperate attempt to capitalize on student boredom, the Ax will remain committed to providing the highest quality journalism until everyone involved gets sick of it.
When reached for comment, officials in the School of Media and Public Affairs sighed.
