WASHINGTON - The university's hopes of finally getting a new provost were dashed last Wednesday as the newly hired Dr. Henry H. Calvin was fatally struck by the Vern Express.

At a sophisticated gala, President Knapp announced the new provost’s name as Calvin came out and gave a short address. He then stepped from the podium, and immediately onto E Street where the accident occurred as Calvin crossed the street.

The university released a statement following the accident.

“We offer our deepest condolences to Dr. Calvin’s family, and regretfully begin the endless process of searching for a new Provost again.”

Calvin had been hired early in October after much consideration from university administration for what has become a hotly contested position.

In his statement he said he was excited to take on the role of GW Provost, and that he looked forward to “hiring some people, putting money in programs that need it, and some other important work.” These plans shall not occur on account of his death.

The shuttle that hit Calvin has since been decommissioned in another blow to the already awful Vern Express service hours. Students say that this gives them one less excuse to visit the Vern.

“I don’t know who this guy is, but like, the Vex killed him, and that sucks. And now I can blame the Vex for missing chem,” explained business school junior Samantha Miller at his funeral.

There has been no word yet on how long the university plans to go without a Provost in this time of crisis.