WASHINGTON - Dr. Steven Lerman, provost of George Washington University since July 2010, shocked an audience of students Wednesday evening by announcing his actually being a specter visiting our Earth from beyond the pale.
Floating above the podium, Lerman became translucent whilst loudly clanking his trademark chains.
“Boo!,” he commented, “I am very scary!”
Mark Liddle, a junior, claims a small ring of fire formed around the provost as he chanted an unknown curse in what is believed to be Latin.
“I mean, it’s very sad for him to be going and I do think he means the best for us, but this isn’t exactly unexpected, is it?” Liddle continued, screaming in horror at the host of frights to which he was witnessing, “I kind of saw it coming.”
In his statement, Lerman made a special note of his accomplishments, including a fundraising drive to raise one boo-lion dollars and his efforts to build a new Science and Engineering Hall, the top two floors of which will remain unoccupied as a home for his fellow revenants.
When questioned as to the reasoning behind his forthcoming departure, the ghostly visage noted that he had completed the final task tethering him to this life, creating a permanent display for acclaimed 1930’s actress Mae West’s infamous pair of shoes (currently located inside the Textile Museum).
At press time, ectoplasm had begun oozing from the walls while the lights suddenly cut out, and Lerman's shrieking form faded into eternity. President Knapp then took the stage and announced further budget cuts towards the University’s top programs, further terrifying the crowd.
The university’s department of paranormal investigation was reached for comment but the Ax has yet to receive a response. An investigation is believed to be forthcoming.
